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moleman · Joined: 13 May 2008 Posts: 275 Location: The Garden Theater

Since you brought it up, as I was walking by the Jubilee Soup Kitchen this morning a filthy, reeking hobo accosted me and asked me if I wanted a "Nut Job". Cigna? Horkheimer? Maxwell?

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Poe Man Poe · Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 368 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa.

I scraped away dried layer after dried layer of hork from my left pennyloafer. At lenghth, a message in sanskrit was revealed. My hands trembled a bit as the translator looked up at me and said, "It says, 'Matt'."
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moleman · Joined: 13 May 2008 Posts: 275 Location: The Garden Theater

I was was perusing the ladies pumps at Penneys yesterday, I noticed a young fellow acting suspicious. I'm sure I saw him hork in some strapless heels. Matt?
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Poe Man Poe · Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 368 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa.

I was trawling the aisles at the Pay Days adjacent to Grant's in the Tri-County plaza in Belle Vernon. I was considering the nuances of a pair of cleated patent leather brogans when I discerned the sound of someone horking in the adjacent aisle. I remember thinking, " He'd probably prefer the red wing-tips." Matt?
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moleman · Joined: 13 May 2008 Posts: 275 Location: The Garden Theater

Pic N Pay. Monroeville Mall. Horking sound detected in ladies athletic shoe aisle. I ran around to discover a newly horked in pair of Nikes. I caught of glimpse of someone running away. He was wearing stone washed jeans and pink flip flops. Matt?
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Poe Man Poe · Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 368 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa.

I was using the men's room in Sasha's Florsheims on Penn Ave. when I heard low moaning emanating from the airduct next to toilet in the second stall. I brushed away what seemed like fecal matter and stretched out on the floor in an attempt to look through a hole into the basement. In the dim light I could see a guy in pink flip flops handcuffed to a radiator and Sasha standing over him with one of those things that measure feet. He tried to scream, but the sound was all muffled due to the size 12 Hush Puppy which was duct-taped to his mouth. It could have been maybe a size 11 but looked larger because it was covered in fresh hork. Matt?
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Matt · Joined: 28 Apr 2008 Posts: 50

While I can't account for my whereabouts for much of the last several months (too much time travel), I'd like to believe me innocent of these horrid crimes. That said, could you describe said hork to me?

Please don't say it resembled bloody salsa.

*Hangs head in shame*
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Poe Man Poe · Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 368 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa.

The hork was comprised of 99% bloody salsa. In the bask of neon coming from the windows of The Apache Bar and Grill (again, they don't serve food), one could discern an image of Yves Montand dressed in bermuda shorts and sandals.
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tiny · Joined: 17 Jul 2008 Posts: 45 Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Shoe-horkers abound in these troubled times. The urge to hork on a pair of pristine mules in Little's Squirrel Hill can be nearly irresistible. Especially given the proximity of multiple high-grade Thai restaurants in the immediate vicinity. Saffron.
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moleman · Joined: 13 May 2008 Posts: 275 Location: The Garden Theater

May I recommend the humble flip-flop for ease of cleaning after a horking? Simply insert in sink and spray. Or use any nearby garden hose.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.

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