offbeatcinema.myfastforum.org

Poe Man Poe · Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 368 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa.

I have implored, beseeched, entreated, called upon in supplication, and prayed in earnest for those about me to get swinging. All of these actions have been taken to no avail. The only ones who have conducted themselves in a proper swinging fashion have been Little Timmy Shoontz who convincingly emulated swinging by fashioning a make-shift gallows and then hanging himself until dead, and Shelly "Bumps" Congeniwicz who doused herself in kerosene and set herself ablaze while singing "You'll Have to Swing Without Me" and throwing herself down the fire escape at the Edison Hotel. I feel that these are very good examples of swinging. Now, the rest of you fuc*ing slackers need to get swinging or else orphans will go blind somewhere.

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tiny · Joined: 17 Jul 2008 Posts: 45 Location: Pittsburgh, PA

She chortled. No swang. Purulent discharge. Doctor's tomorrow. Chortler.
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Poe Man Poe · Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 368 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa.

tiny has come forward and has attempted to get swinging. Now, it's time for the other members of this message board to get swinging. Feel free to post your methods of swinging here. She was 80 but she sported red control-top fishnets and a garter belt. Her breasts heaved up and down as she dragged each breath out of the oxygen tank through the hoses in her nose. "Got time to swing?", she asked. I didn't have time, but I left her a tip. She swang.
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Zoltan · Joined: 18 Jun 2008 Posts: 62 Location: Detroit

Upon her 18th Bithday ,Ms Peggy MacArthur, tried desperately to put on her best "Tootie from the Facts Of Life" Face . Wishing for "The rusty trombone" Pegggy Screamed out to me,"Wanna Swing ", But, Not being in the mood . I instead gave her a coupon to Schnitzel Hutt......
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Poe Man Poe · Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 368 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa.

I have considered nuns who qweef. I don't think they talk about the qweefing. But I know it goes on. And I think this can be considered to be the swinging. I'm just sayin'.
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moleman · Joined: 13 May 2008 Posts: 275 Location: The Garden Theater

Attempted to swing in the parking lot of the out of business Gee Bees and was accosted by non-swinging types sporting "Donde es Matt" t shirts. They shut me down. On the way home I believe I saw Tiny swinging at Club Zoltan on Liberty. He pretended he didn't know me.
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Sir Richard Pumpaloaf · Posted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 9:10 pm Post subject:

I met 3 Andalusian dwarf babes at a martini lounge, they asked if I wanted to swing. We went to their place and when I realized they were sporting Angorra merkins I reached for my Reactin only to realize they pilfered them and used them as supposatories. Wanted to swing but was hornswoggled!! Having allergies can cut into ones swing. Rolling Eyes

Poe Man Poe · Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 368 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa.

When I opened my container of Land 'O Lakes (large tub, unsalted) I discerned a tongue print that was not mine. I deduced that there had been swinging occurring in the kitchen while I slept. I prefer to be awake when the swinging commences. I made a wax impression of the tongue print and keep it with me at all times in the event that I need to conduct a comparison. I was thrown out of Milange's Malta Room and Muffin Emporium for comparing the print with those on the thigh of the proprietor's wife. I tried to explain what I was doing with her skirt over my head, but there was no consoling the man. He just didn't seem to care about the swinging or the butter tonguing. A prick.
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Matt · Joined: 28 Apr 2008 Posts: 50

Poe Man Poe · Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 368 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa.

I awakened to the sound of the sanitary engineers quarrelling while they engaged the hydraulic compactor on a rusted-out hulk of a truck. I peeled open my eyes and could discern the chipped blue letters which had been stenciled on the side of the truck..."City of Erie", it read. I had started out throwing double vodka-sevens at least two days prior, in Jeannette, Pa. I participated in "Necro Night" at Toontah's on Clay St., and, as previously indicated, woke up in Erie. My memory was not intact and I had evidently become incontinent of bladder. I pulled myself to my feet and staggered out of the alley toward the sound of traffic. I cursed the morning sun and prayed to the god for rain, or at least, some gray clouds. The god didn't care about the sun, or clouds, or even a hangover that felt like Death's tongue reaming my asshole. I managed a few Anacins that had melded together in the back pocket of my Sans-a-Belts and hooked them down without any water. My throat felt like a whore's privates as I leaned into the doorway of Hank's Haus of Suds. I pulled at the door. It felt like it weighed 100 pounds as I made my way in. I took a seat near the el in the bar so I could be facing the door. One never knows who may show up. The bartender leered at me like I had stolen something, or like I had said something about his mother. "Vodka-seven", I said. "And pour it like you don't own it." He turned to grab the bottle off of the bottom shelf and I noticed that he was wearing a "Donde es Matt" tee. He had it on inside out and backwards, but I could still make out the design and lettering through the volumes of sweat that saturated the back of his shirt. I smelled a conspiracy and intended to remain in this establishment until I figured it out. I believe there was swinging involved.

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