offbeatcinema.myfastforum.org

Matt · Joined: 28 Apr 2008 Posts: 50

Eyes, bloodshot and glassy, burp open at the braying of a gifted Maxwell Truth alarm clock (Helllllloooo, daddy-o! TimeToWakeUp-TimeToWakeUp!), head thumping like the kicks of an angry mule. I swat pathetically in the general direction of Maxwell's annoying call and fall to the floor with a quaking thud. Piercing jabs follow; Immense pain of the highest order. I peel myself off the floor and glance about. Turns out I landed atop a stack of bootlegged beta copies of the Three Fantastic SuperMen. I've no idea how I came into possession of this particular trove, but I bless Detroit and Iggy Pop for their generosity regardless. From the next room over I can hear my mother watching the midday newscast. Weatherman claims 97 degrees. My tongue tastes of cigarette butts and sandpaper and I want to punt his skull in. Glance at the clock... 12:20. Must be at the bar for the shift in 10 minutes. No time for a shower or change of clothes so I simply spray my shirt with cologne and turn it inside out on my way out the door. It may have been backwards as well. Uneventful shift save for this pretentious twat in all black reciting god-awful poetry about... I don't know... some bird or something in the corner. His pleas for "Vodka-sevens" were punctuated with barbs at my mother. He also slid many a coaster into his pocket. Prick.

_________________
Note to Self: Be Erect by Half-Past 10.

Bombshell · Posted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 2:55 am Post subject:

This joint's deader'n a doornail.
_________________
I never try anything, I just do it. You wanna try me?

Zoltan · Joined: 18 Jun 2008 Posts: 62 Location: Detroit

B( 0 ) ( 0 )B'S
_________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

Sir Richard Pumpaloaf · Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2009 5:03 pm Post subject:

Matt · Joined: 28 Apr 2008 Posts: 50

moleman · Joined: 13 May 2008 Posts: 275 Location: The Garden Theater

The dual harmonic brass ringer on my roatary Western Electric phone woke me from a sound sleep. I was dreaming about Maxwell. He was working in the Men's Department at a New Jersey Penney's and got fired for eating his lunch in the changing rooms. He said he liked the ambience and had no intention of quitting. Said he'd be back as a customer.
As I shook the cobwebs out and picked up the receiver I noticed an empty fifth of Bourbon on the floor. Ancient Age. There were lipstick stains on the glass on my nightstand and someone had been rifling through my Fred Waring records. I was thinking that my tongue tasted like cigarette butts and sandpaper, but I didn't want to steal anyone's bit so I settled on White Owls and Emery Cloth.
As I tried to remember the events of the previous night I realized that I was holding the phone in my left hand and someone was trying to talk to me. I put the reciever to my ear and mumbled something. The voice told me to get swinging. I tried to explain that I had swung already but to no avail. I hung up and got swinging. With Fred Waring Live From Terre Haute.
_________________
Admit nothing. Deny everything. Make counter accusations.

Sir Richard Pumpaloaf · Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 5:42 pm Post subject:

Poe Man Poe · Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 368 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa.

insurreptitious = not a word. There's your attention for the day. Now go be a hippy.
_________________
My dreams need me more than I need my dreams.

Zoltan · Joined: 18 Jun 2008 Posts: 62 Location: Detroit

What Poe Said...........
_________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

Matt · Joined: 28 Apr 2008 Posts: 50

This is a man who knows how to swing.

Follow his lead, gents.

Foloow his leed.

_________________
Note to Self: Be Erect by Half-Past 10.